| Ka pow |
[16 Aug 2007|10:06pm] |
Dan and I have settled into a routine, but it seems enough happens within and without to keep us entertained. Good dinners, the occasional show, time with friends placed delicately within work schedules, band practices, flossing.
I bet if I were more organized, I could actually hang out with the people I keep thinking I need to hang out with. Communication seems to be key, but I have been a bad person with returning calls and answering emails. Maybe a big BBQ to re-establish some ties, but thinking about it now, the idea seems a little more empty than fulfilling.
Laptop. I am looking for a laptop. Is that a better word than notebook? Wait, totally. A laptop for photos and for YouTube viewing pleasure and for more photos. The wedding pictures are crying to me and I think the time has come to spend a little on a zippy processor and a pretty screen.
Amy
|
|
| Lunch time |
[30 May 2007|01:05pm] |
I cut my hair and I think the only person who doesn't notice is me. Maybe I've thought in the past that cutting my hair was some big change, but no, I am still me with shorter hair. It's harder to put into a pony tail and easier to wash in the mornings.
The little car I've been driving was being stupid and lo, the front right tire was a little flat. Dan got to work today and his back right tire was flat to the ground with a nail hole in the sidewall. Dan thinks a person may have done it, but there has been some crazy construction on the road lately, so who knows. I love my little space and do not want to think of it being invaded.
Amy
|
|
| Oh yah |
[29 May 2007|10:56pm] |
I had a dream about posting, so here I am. Ooh, I last posted a month before the wedding... Now it's over a month after the wedding and ahh... What a beautiful wedding and the best part was that it was mine and Dan's.
My birthday came and went and still Dan is trying to move his stuff into the tiny house my stuff was already crammed into. I got rid of a couple boxes and Dan organized organized organised and now there's almost room for some of his stuff. If I look behind me, there's at least four boxes stacked with another in a chair to my left and much much more over there by the couch. I am feeling less overwhelmed, mostly since my stuff is taken care of. And because Dan (I think) understands my need for downtime a bit better.
We need to shave his head. Wait, he is going to shave his head and I will vacuum up dog hair from the bed spread.
I am trying to take my camera out more. I had fun snapping away at my niece and nephew and their friends yesterday at the park, but they wanted me in the water. There is safety behind the lens.
Better get the vacuum.
Amy
|
|
| Getting better |
[21 Mar 2007|07:55am] |
My mood seems to be directly related to my wedding stress. A lot of things have been taken care of lately and I'm feeling pretty good. So good I went to my second "KISS BBQ" in two weeks last night. Except there was no BBQ, just a lot of really good meatballs. And beer. They do put on a good show those KISS boys.
The wedding is exactly a month away. I can't believe it.
Amy
|
|
| Thursday |
[15 Mar 2007|01:04pm] |
|
I'm feeling a little... Er, human these days. Anxiety over the wedding, boredom at work, unsure of myself, a little blue, not sleeping well. I ate my lunch while sitting in the sun, hoping a little UV radiation would lift my spirits. I need a break from my busy-ness, but I don't want to be alone. Maybe I'll treat myself tonight to a newspaper and some coffee out of the house...
|
|
| Dead Like Me |
[05 Mar 2007|11:43pm] |
Of all the things to watch during my recovery, I picked Dead Like Me. It's been slow going, but tonight Dan and I finished the last episode of season 1, while eating leftovers at his parents. George gets a headstone on her grave. It made me a little teary. I wonder if the nice men at the cemetery picked up the dead flower stems off my sister's headstone from the flowers I left for her birthday.
I work for a Dementia program and every now and then a patient dies and it always seems a little sad to me. We share space with Hospice and their patients die all the time (hence, hospice), though they use the term "expire".
I don't know really where I'm going with all of this. I called a friend today to talk about my wedding plans and instead she told me about our old co-worker Brent waking up last weekend and finding his partner Chuy laying next to him, cold, without a pulse. I heard the police ruled out drugs, alcohol, and foul play. Chuy was three weeks away from his 30th birthday.
Amy
|
|
| Tonsils out |
[16 Feb 2007|11:43pm] |
The surgery went well. I was in and out pretty fast. I have to admit, it was kinda cool being pushed around on a gurney. When I woke up, I apologized for falling asleep. Then I said "Oh, it's all over, isn't it?" The doctor told my family that my tonsils were friable.
friable \FRY-uh-buhl\, adjective:
Easily crumbled, pulverized, or reduced to powder.
The first thing I did when I came home was look at my tonsils, er, my lack thereof. The pain wasn't too bad, but right now, it is killing me to swallow and talking is getting tough. Dan has been taking very nice care of me. My parents made it in time to see me come out of surgery. I sat through them all eating a couple pizzas while I ate Popsicles and Jell-o. I've never liked Popsicles that much. Right now, they're better than Vicodin.
Dan has been falling in and out of sleep. He keeps moaning. I hope I haven't stressed him out.
Amy
|
|
| One more day to go |
[08 Feb 2007|09:36pm] |
I'm working on invitations and it is proving to be oh so difficult. I couldn't get my PDF to open correctly, so I re-made it in Illustrator, but my oh my, I think redoing it took longer than doing it in the first place. Oh well. I will now figure out how the RSVP cards and such should look. Oh yeah, how was I going to word this, anyway...
I am sick. Thank you love, for your flu. I came home in an angry fit early early from work on Tuesday, was too sick Wednesday to do anything but stay home, and today I worked for six hours and then rode home in the rain to cough cough cough. My wedding ring was ready and Dan brought it to me. Fits wonderfully. Felt like I had forgotten what it looked like. He brought me over to his house and away I type. So many photos of cherry blossoms.......
Last day tomorrow. Er. Technically, it's Sunday, but I'm not scheduled to work on Sunday. I will be printing off my invitations, cutting, scoring, making final adjustments though. Phew... It'll be nice to have them done.
It'll be nice to be healthy.
It'll be nice to start my new job.
Oh yeah... One more week with my inflamed tonsils!
Amy
|
|
| New new new |
[31 Jan 2007|11:01am] |
I got a new job. It's a secretary posistion for a nurse for a local non-profit. They treat their employees well. It has a pension plan. It's a good job for my new wife life. Work, save money, go on vacation, have babies.
Giving my notice at the Kink was a little too easy and a little sad for my superiors. I enjoyed helping customers for awhile and then did almost nothing for the rest of my shift.
I've had to reschedule my tonsilectomy for earlier in February. The new job was fine with it happening during working hours. My insurance will still cover me.
Dan is sick as a dog. I feel a little bad since I'm not sick, but not too bad. He sounds awful.
Amy
|
|
| Same old, same old |
[25 Jan 2007|11:21pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Son Volt - Windfall |
] |
I'm trying to remember a time I was less happy at work. I'm not sure I can think of it. I hate being in charge without being in charge. The directions I give, the pleas I make, don't seem to matter as much. Sure, I know you've booked yourself too much with school and work, but you're fucking scheduled until 10 so work until 10! You just sat in the back talking to the cleaning guy for a half an hour? Fuck it, that's your LUNCH. That's not "work" you get paid for. Shit. I'm so tired of all of it. It's only a week and a half more, but damn, I'm not sure my head will stay on. I want to finish what I start, finish what's needed to get done, but the forces of co-workers, customers and copy machines is proving to be too strong.
I come home and can't sleep until the wee hours of the morning, want to relax relax, but wake up only to go back to work. Unending cycle. The fiance has been away, seems so far away, twice daily phone conversations only soothe me so much. So I drown myself in beer and country music, let the wind take my troubles away, then only to blow them back into my face. I've never been more aware of how little control I have, I'm a little rudder commanding my life amongst huge swells. My brain says they're not so big, but the fight is greater than I expected. No more. No more! Take my tonsils, I'll take my sanity, would rather work for the Realtor than help one more fucking person send files to Chula Vista. Keep your blonde jokes to yourself sir, she's not interested.
Amy
|
|
| Work |
[17 Jan 2007|12:16pm] |
Work is driving me crazy. I hate being the person in charge. I hate being the person that has to answer 5 questions from 5 different people in 5 minutes.
Dan says to be tough. I'm trying, but probably not hard enough. I'll try harder. I've finally realized that I can't do everything. So I've stopped trying to finish everything. And next I'll stop trying to care so much. It's just paper.
Finally uploading Japan photos onto Flickr (Thanks DSL). I've hit the Hiroshima photos and ahh... They're kinda tough to go through.
It is nice to remember the trip though. I think Dan and I will have a short honeymoon in San Francisco. We'll ride the bart and pretend we're on the Yamanote line, go to art museums all over the city, and try to find Dan a hotel room with gigantic bathtub.
When will it rain again? My skin needs some moisture. All this dry air... I'm turning into a giant corn flake.
Amy
|
|
| END OF STREP??? |
[12 Jan 2007|10:56am] |
|
I finally got ahold of the surgery desk for my ENT. There is hope. I will send a fax and cross my fingers.
|
|
| Ah |
[11 Jan 2007|11:39am] |
I'm amazed at the wedding stuff. It's falling into place. Easily. Thank goodness.
The people attached aren't as easy. I originally planned to not care about anyone's feelings but my own and Dan's, but already that has proven to be too difficult. If I don't care, someone will tell me to care and I will get mad and ahhh... So I have resolved to care a little. But it's still my planning, what I want, and they can come along for the ride.
Dan's friend's reactions: CONGRATULATIONS!
My friend's reactions (not all, but many): Really? To who? Are you pregnant? So soon? How long have you been dating?
My reaction to their reactions: *grin/grimace with teeth gritting* with some eye-rolling
Still waiting for my ring to come back from the jewelry store. Only had it for a couple weeks, but I miss it already.
Dan fixed our new-to-us bikes. They are way nicer than anything we need, but it'll be nice for Dan to ride to work when he moves in and nice for us to ride around town together. We also raked leaves, which is much easier when you're drinking whiskey.
Amy
|
|
| Post Post |
[28 Dec 2006|11:16am] |
Eh, it's been awhile. Japan was awesome. Dan and I got back and decided to get married. Christmas was crazy. And right now - I'm a little bored.
Amy
|
|
| Four days off |
[15 Nov 2006|03:12am] |
I was supposed to get my tonsils out. I didn't. Lack of insurance in a timely manner took away any hope I had of ridding my body of Strep A and B. I instead took my four days to relax and see people I hadn't seen in awhile. That didn't happen either. Well, the relaxing did. But I only hung out with my twin and his wife and Stefan for part of a day. The rest of the time I huddled as close as I could to Dan and hoped the world would become nicer. I made the mistake of coming into work to show someone something and left only to cry in the parking lot of Safeway. Dan's mom took pity on me and paid for a nice massage for me. For two hours, I didn't hurt.
And today I am back into it, back to facing people and their paper. Back to politics and being a faceless person working for a faceless company.
I will count down the days to my lover's birthday, time with my parents, and a long ass flight to a foreign land. Maybe it won't seem so bad if I focus on what I will soon be doing and what will soon be done and soon partially forgotten.
Amy
|
|
| Health and Wellness |
[09 Nov 2006|05:13pm] |
I've been forced in the past few weeks to consider the condition of my body. My tonsils were supposed to come out, but due to my newfound lack of insurance, they will stay in and cater to the strep that has colonized them for the past 8 months. After the bout of viral infection I had a few weeks ago, a stabbing pain when I breathe deeply or cough developed; it is still stabbing away at me now. And from what I can gather, the pain will stick around until it goes away on its own. A bladder infection caught me off guard. I've sunk into a little bit of a depression. Six days a week of working and feeling under appreciated, underpaid, overworked are taking their toll. I start my day by preparing to fend off any migraines before they start. I had a job interview last week and while they liked me, they had internally filled the position; but may find me something to do after Japan. Another Realtor is looking for an assistant, but he hasn't called me yet, and I'm not sure I want to work in Real Estate again. I got a leave of absence for my tonsils; I'm taking the leave still, despite the lack of a surgery, to repair my brain, my emotions, and prepare for my vacation to Japan. I hope to enjoy my trip, not wallow in my brain while I'm gone.
Dan can't help but feel frustrated. He'd like to fix me. He volunteered to pay for my surgery, to take me to the doctor, to throw money at someone to repair my body. I said no. I will be patient and wait until insurance kicks in.
Besides, a little exercise, a little thought, and maybe I'll get myself out of my funk. Things aren't so bad. I will eventually get a new job and I will be going on a wonderful trip and the lovely Dan gives me so much love. Neck pains, stress headaches, don't hurt nearly so bad when I remember to take asprin ahead of time. Gallons and gallons of water and cranberry juice and I can almost pee without wincing. Take things head on Amy, don't let them run you over.
Amy
|
|
| Just a few weeks, right? |
[26 Oct 2006|07:29am] |
So, I switch to one full-time job, thinking to myself, "I'll get two days off!". Today I got asked to work a 6 day schedule until we get more help because yes, we've lost ANOTHER FUCKING TEAM MEMBER. Sure, I could use the overtime. What blows is that I'll see way way way less of my semi-bearded smoochey. We'll be working opposite schedules. Plus, I'm on Saturdays! Today, I made soup. Dan came over after he got off work, warmed it up, picked me up, and we had dinner together. Then he took me back to work. For a half an hour, I felt good.
Arg. Thinking positive: Two whole weeks of nothing but Japan. The extra pay will be worth it.
The Palais Ideal was fantastic. I got to see something each of the four days of the fest. I took some dorky photos (mostly from my stool and handstamp Point of View). Mark Lore wrote a fantastic column about his experience here. I have to admit - I ran away from Zack Kouns 30 seconds into his set. It was on Sunday, the last day. I was tired. I just could NOT take it.
My favorites of people I'd never seen before: The Fucking Ocean, Hyle, SPLITLIP, Ronnie Cramer (he asked me to be his friend! Er, on MySpace), New Thrill Parade. Band with too much hype: Underskore_Orkestra (Did you send out a text message that you were going dumpster diving? You did?)
Where the FUCK were the Chico people? One fucking show! Just come to ONE FUCKING SHOW!
|
|
| Brand New Day |
[19 Oct 2006|10:47pm] |
After 5 and a half months, no more Real Estate. Only the retail job, going back to full time status as of this Sunday. I woke up with Dan, kinda sorta ate breakfast with him, wished him well at work, and crashed until almost 1 pm. I'm avoiding all the chores I need to do - I need to go pick something up, I need to clean the litter box, I have a couple dishes to wash - in the name of laziness. I feel weak after waking up so late. And I go to work in an hour... My cough is hanging on for dear life. Go away!
Starting tonight is the Palais Ideal Festival. I'm very much looking forward to all the music, all the performers... I only have my dorky camera, but I'll try to get a couple interesting shots. FIRE WITH UBERKUNST! I'm volunteering a little each day to prove myself worthy of not paying...
Amy
|
|
| Brain Melt Banana |
[17 Oct 2006|08:25pm] |
Weather changing, jobs changing, pay changing, no more overtime, shit shit shit shit shit. How will I ever have money to take to Japan with me? I'm weird again. Sleeping too much, way too tired. I'll figure something out. No more surprise bottles of whiskey for Dan!
Amy
|
|
| Sore throat |
[10 Oct 2006|10:37am] |
Throat is back to bothering me and I'd like to bother it right back. Maybe if I'm as annoying as hell to the strep bacteria, they'll decide to stop carving and tunneling into my tonsils and will instead disappear and I could swallow food without grimacing...
Interview went well, better than I could ever expect, but they don't want to pay me what I want to be paid, even Kinko's will pay me more and I could have one job, only one job to work and I could go home while the light is still shining and have my weekends to me and Dan and have a clean house and cook real food instead of using the microwave birthday present. Two days off. TWO FUCKING DAYS OFF. It's been so long.
I tried to avoid construction but didn't get onto the sidewalk properly and the bump knocked me off my bike seat and bruised my bum while people stopped in their cars watched. I should have honked my clown horn and given them a better show.
Amy
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
ibeamee's journal